I never thought I would be someone that would go through something like that. Some people may say that what I went through wasn't so bad. That I got out early, I was lucky we didn't have any kids. And all of that is true, but I did go through it, and it does still hurt. I thought I had no way out, no way to get stable enough financially to leave him. I mean, I had nothing without him, because he made it that way. He would freak out on me for looking in the general direction of a male, and that caused problems at my job, he came and started drama and I lost an amazing job.I just hope I can get it back. I don't feel complete anymore. I feel like there is a big hole, and I don't know how to fill it. I can't be like my mother, and lose everything to an addiction, so I know I can't find condolence in a bottle or any type of drug, and writing seems to help a little bit, makes me feel like the hole is a little smaller. Talking to old friends helps a lot more than I thought it could. Even just those random convos in the middle of the night saying "how have you been?". It makes me feel good to know someone thinks SOMETHING of me. I feel numb. I don't hurt, I'm not sad, I'm not happy, I just can't feel a thing, and honestly, I think I like it.